Late-night hosts dissected the presidents narcissism, Deutsche Bank loans, and reparations for the descendants of slaves
Jimmy Kimmel: Melanias campaign hasnt kicked in
After another tumultuous week of news is the Mueller report dropping? Whos running in 2020? Jimmy Kimmel turned to the most reliable source of Trump drama: Twitter.
On Wednesday morning, Trump called the Republican strategist George Conway, the husband of his adviser Kellyanne, a whackjob, a stone-cold loser and the husband from hell.
I guess Melanias Be Best campaign hasnt quite started to kick in, Kimmel mused, in reference to the first ladys program to end cyberbullying.
George Conway fired back on Thursday, calling Trump the worst kind of dumb among other tweets that at this point should just be called Dispatches from the guest room futon, Kimmel joked.
Among the things George Conway tweeted is a list of the diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, asking the president: Which of these do you not satisfy?
Its actually an interesting question, Kimmel responded. In fact, I think its only fair to take a scientific look at this to see if maybe it has some merit.
Kimmel then went through the nine qualifying symptoms including grandiose sense of self-importance; preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success; requires excessive admiration; and lacks empathy with clips from Trumps innumerable interviews and public appearances.
His conclusion: Trump met nine out of nine criteria, a perfect score. Congratulations, Mr President, you are the most narcissistic personality of the year, he said.
Hed probably be happy about it, you know?
Seth Meyers: They dont have HR manuals
On Late Night, Seth Meyers looked into Trumps re-election effort, which is gearing up despite mounting concerns about the candidate at its center.
For one, most of Trumps original campaign team such as Paul Manafort, Roger Stone, George Papadopoulos, and Michael Cohen have been indicted or are behind bars, which leaves few people in senior campaign leadership roles.
In other words,its really hard to make Oceans 12 when Oceans 11 is facing 15-20, Meyers said. If you get a job working for Trumps re-election campaign, they hand you an HR manual and a jumpsuit.
Im kidding, he conceded. They dont have HR manuals.
Also troubling the re-election team is another story this week detailing Trumps overstated finances. According to the New York Times, in the mid-2000s, Donald Trump tried to get a loan from Deutsche Bank by inflating his net worth by $2bn, which is like when you see a guy on Tinder who says he speaks six languages and then he takes you to Starbucks and goes, Can I have a farp-a-kai-no? joked Meyers. You want a farp-a-kai-no? Make it doo-so.
However, despite knowing of Trumps deception, the bank continued to loan him well over $2bn because aside from his history of defaults, he was an attractive borrower.
Meyers was dumbfounded. That is an insane sentence! A history of defaults is what makes you an unattractive borrower.
In sum, the report is such a perfect microcosm of how the game is rigged for people like Donald Trump, Meyers said.
Trevor Noah: United behind the idea of hell no
On the Daily Show, Trevor Noah talked about reparations for descendants of slaves long considered a politically radical idea, though recently, its become a lot more mainstream, he said. Well, mainstream in that pretty much every single one of the 89 Democrats running for president has gotten on board, with public support from Julin Castro, Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren and Pete Buttigieg.
Naturally, as several Democratic candidates coalesce around the idea of reparations, public conservatives are just as united behind the idea of hell no, such as Fox News staple Laura Ingraham. Now to be fair, there are some people on the right who are willing to consider reparations but unfortunately, what theyre saying is that slave ship has sailed, Noah continued, pointing to the conservative commentator Ben Shapiro, who questioned what metric could be used to compensate descendants 20 generations after the end of slavery.
You know, whats funny is with slavery, these people are like Get over it, thats history! Noah mused. But if you try to take down a Confederate statue its like: How dare you, thats history!
Reparations brings up whats funny about America to the South African Noah. Whenever people want to fix a problem, it seems like its never the right time. Reparations? Ah, that was so long ago. Gun control? Its too soon to talk about it. Climate change? It hasnt even happened yet, lets wait for the ice caps to melt and then well what, do something? No, then it will be too soon to talk about it.
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